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Today marks 1 month since Michael left. 7 months into this 18 month Deployment.  I can't count how many trips to the Er and Dr's we have made and all other things that have gone wrong.  But I can't tell you this.  It has been the longest and fast est7 months.  The most hardest 7 months of my life, the most loneliest 7 months ever in my life.

Today was no exception to the past 7 months.  Last night Samuel dropped Laurel on her head at basketball practice.  Not a far fall but a hard fall.  Poor Girl has a goose egg on her head that is black and purple.  Didn't think much of it until this morning when I went into get her up.  Sometime in the night she had thrown up all over the place.  I was so excited this morning because we are all feeling better and I was going to hit the gym.  OH NO, my morning was cleaning up puke and taking Laurel to the Dr's.  Dr said she has a minor case of  a concession.  GREAT!!!  I have only had this girl in the ER twice since last Thursday and now the Dr's office.  What more!  I think I am going to wrap my kids in plastic bubbles!  You know only so much can one person take.  I seriously dont' know how single parents do this.  I am seriously on the verge of a nervous and emotional breakdown.  I find myself just crying for no reason lately.  Maybe I need some meds or something.

After seeing the Dr came back in time to get Sarah from school and we went and ran some errands.  Got home and started cleaning up things and finishing some projects.  Finally finished my candy heart toparies that i have been working on.  Start making a heart wreath. Had spent an hour wrapping the darn thing in jute.  Went to shove the wood stick through it and the darn thing BROKE!  I lost it! I just cried!  I gave up and just left it sitting on my craft table.

Can you tell I am having a poor pity me day?  I am seriously on the brink of packing up my house, Renting it out and moving to Utah to be by my family.  But then that won't solve the problems I am having now.  I feel so lonely here.  I miss my Friend Jenn and my Friend Taunie.  It's sad that when they can sense somethings not right and pick up the phone to check on me.  I miss having a friend just call me and say hey you want to hang.  I miss just having a friend!  I know I have friends here but nothing like Jenn or Taunie.  No matter what they are there for me.  It's so hard here. I feel like I am a charity case around here because my husband is gone.  I feel like no one asks me to do anything because Michael is gone.  When I offer my help people are like whatever or it takes me begging them to let me do it for them.  I am just so frustrated.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything that everyone does for me.

I have wanted to go to temple so bad the last couple of months but I can't seem to find anyone that can babysit.  I feel that I have exhausted everyone. I understand that everyone is busy but after asking people it just gets old asking.  If I could trust Samuel and Melody for that long I would go.  But it's too long to leave them here alone.  Plus they might just kill each other. And taking them there is out of the question.

Okay, I am just venting and I will get over this. But right now it just is so depressing. I hate being so negative and I have always tried to stay positive for my kids but man some days just get your down.  Maybe it's this weather we have been having. WHO KNOWS! 

Oh Well Here' s tomorrow hoping that a good nights rest will help!